Hey Fighters!
This week, I want to talk about letting go. In the ring, we often use the word "sorry." We say it when an accidental low blow lands, a head snaps back from a stray elbow, or when we have to briefly stop a drill. These quick apologies are often reflexive, a courtesy among two people who have willingly stepped into the squared circle, understanding the inherent risk. If an action is truly accidental, an apology isn't always necessary—understanding flows freely between us.
The real tension arises when a moment of sparring shifts into a genuine fight, fueled by bad intentions. When the deliberate choice is made to cause undue harm, an apology is certainly warranted. Yet, ironically, these are the very moments when the apology is most often withheld. This absence of accountability can be a trust-breaker, making us deeply unwilling to get back in the ring with that person.
Forgiveness: Letting Go for Yourself
This brings to mind my many conversations with clients about the nature of forgiveness. How much are we willing to give? One client put it aptly: for certain, truly horrendous actions, he would never forgive, because he simply wasn't able to let it go.
This gets to the heart of what forgiveness truly is: it is not about the other person; it is about us.
Forgiving is not condoning. It is not forgetting. It is the courageous act of letting go of the wrong that has been inflicted upon us or others.
In my own process, I've realized the actions I have the most trouble forgiving aren't necessarily the worst things done to me. More often, it's that I haven't forgiven myself for how I reacted to the situation or for how it affected me.
The Day of Atonement in Life and in the Ring
This reflection comes at a fitting time, aligning with Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement, when we traditionally ask for forgiveness. While we turn to the divine in the synagogue, our duty in life is to reach out and seek forgiveness from those we have wronged.
But just as important is the need to forgive ourselves, whether it's for something we've done to others or for how we've handled being wronged.
In boxing, it is hard to forgive bad intentions, but sometimes it is even harder to forgive ourselves when we react with that same ugly intent in response. Boxing is about reacting and learning how to react well. Forgiving is just another, deeper level of reaction—one that determines your character in front of others and, most importantly, for yourself.
What is the hardest thing for you to truly forgive, either in the ring or in life?
Let's train hard and live smarter!
You asked what I could not forgive. I can forgive just about anything except cutting off contact with a relative or loved one. And that's probably because I went through a period where I distanced myself from my family. I think about how painful that was.
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